Gratitude

With Thanksgiving this week, gratitude has been on my mind a bit more. Being a data-driven dad, I did a little research tonight on the psychology of gratitude. I didn't find anything earth-shattering, but did find this article interesting, which points to various research that confirms what we know: gratitude has many mental, social, and physical benefits.

• Physical - stronger immune system, fewer aches, lower blood pressure, better sleep
• Psychological - higher positive emotions, higher alertness, more joy/optimism, mental strength/resilience
• Social - more generous, more helpful, more forgiving, higher self-esteem, greater empathy, deeper relationships

As we feel gratitude, we celebrate the present and acknowledge the goodness of someone beyond ourselves. This helps us replace negative emotions and avoid stress. Gratitude however takes effort and practice, and is a skill that we can improve.

Research suggests that keeping a gratitude journal is one of the most effective ways to improve our ability to be grateful. On a side note, I find it fascinating when research confirms the benefits of living gospel principles. The Lord has long taught us to be grateful, and it is really for our own benefit and happiness.

So what am I grateful for? Let's just start with my family.

I am so grateful for my loving wife Sadie. She is so good to me and has always seen the best in me. Sadie has taught me what it means to love, how to see past faults, and how to sincerely care about someone. Her sincerity and desire for goodness are contagious. She helps me not to take life too seriously, to laugh, and to have fun.

I am grateful for Arilyn. She is such a sweetheart. Tonight when we said our prayers, I asked her what she thought Jesus wanted her to do. She said she wanted to keep being a good helper. She loves learning and teaching. I am grateful for her desire to do what is right.

I am grateful for Micah. That boy is such a funny kid. He loves to laugh and to make everyone else laugh. Ever since he started to talk, Sadie and I like to quote the funny things he says. He's creative, intelligent, loves to build, make up stories, and do puzzles.

I am grateful for Tanner. He also likes to laugh, and loves to be in the middle of the party. He's not afraid of jumping into the dog pile. He's a curious little guy and loves exploring on his own. I am grateful for his tender heart.

I am grateful to be me. I'm grateful for the experiences and talents the Lord has given me to help me understand his grace and mercy. I am grateful for my health and my strength, and the ability to provide a good home for my family.

I am trying to make gratitude be a driving force in my life. As I was writing this post, my computer had a few issues. I'm grateful that thinking about gratitude helped me not get frustrated. See! It's working already :).

One by One

I've noticed lately that my posts have been less analysis and more heart. I'll write a little more about
that when I conclude this blog at the end of the year.

When I was a new missionary in Brazil, I had a companion who had been a zone leader for much of his mission. He introduced me to a concept that I had never thought about before - praying with a pen and paper in hand. He told me how as a zone leader, he would pray for each missionary in the zone, and write down impressions about what that missionary needed. He witnessed the importance of those impressions as he either followed through on (and saw success) or ignored (and saw missed opportunities) each impression.

That lesson has always stayed with me and I have applied it with varying levels of commitment. The past few weeks, I have tried this out a few times, praying for each of my children (and Sadie) by name and writing down either what I can do for them or how I am grateful for them. As I have done this, I have felt increased love for them and a greater feeling of the spirit in my life.

Love Notes

I have to credit this post to Arilyn. At the beginning of the week, she asked Sadie to help her write notes to everyone in the family. Monday evening as I went to bed, I found a sweet note that she had dictated. She had also written notes to Sadie and Micah.

I decided to follow her lead and write a few notes myself. I put one on the fridge where she could find it, and made sure to write her name in big letters so she'd know it was for her. She just loved it. Later in the week I wrote another one, and tried to just use words that she knew how to read so she could read it herself. I also wrote a note to Micah, who enjoyed the attention.

Love is contagious. The more we give and the better we receive love, the more it will grow. Thanks Arilyn, I love you.

Family Fun

The past week or two, I've been listening to the Gospel Solutions for Families series from the Mormon Channel when I'm doing household chores after the kids are in bed. I really liked the two-part conversation about Family Fun, where they discussed the importance of fun and simple ways to have fun with your family. Here are a few of the ideas that stood out:

• Work parties - The whole family gets together to do chores, but make it a party - music, food, dancing, etc.
• Cookie Fridays - Make your home a place where your kids and their friends like to be. One mother discussed a tradition she had of making a lot of desserts on Fridays, and having all their kids' friends over.
• Milestone celebrations - birthdays, graduation, accomplishments, etc. Make them memorable and something to look forward to.
• Family support - as much as possible, have the whole family attend the events of each kid. E.g. soccer games, recitals, etc.
• Spend money on memories, not things. One family said they didn't have a living room couch for 18 years because they put their money toward going out as a family instead.
• Family council = sitting on mom and dad's bed with a carton of ice cream and some spoons.

A part of the discussion also covered "wholesome recreational activities" as mentioned in the Family Proclamation. In that document, family fun is put on the same level as faith, prayer, forgiveness and other gospel principles. Having fun together helps to create the environment where things like forgiveness, work, and repentance possible.  

I've tried to have a little bit more fun this past week, and it really helps (of course). Too often I take life too seriously and too personally and I forget that can actually be a fun guy. Here are some of the ways we like to have fun and be silly as a family:

• Pillow fights for family home evening activity
• Daddy Days - going out on Saturday to different fun things around town.
• Food traditions - We just started doing Egg Castle (German Pancakes) on Sundays. We're working on other traditions.
• Family bike rides. We invested in bike stuff this past summer and we've had the opportunity to go out a few times.
• "Don't tell me no" game. We stole this one from Uncle Eric. You ask the kid, "Do you tell me no?" and then tickle them with either the "yes" or "no" response.
• Games in the morning. A couple times a week, I'll play a short game with the kids in the morning before breakfast or before I go to work.
• Tickle attacks. Sadie often instigates this one. She taught the kids my tickle spots, so sometimes we just like to play this for awhile. Sometimes I like to be a steamroller and roll over the kids too. The kids love it, even Tanner is really into it, right in the middle with everyone else.

What fun things do you like to do with your family?