Let's start with the initial post and the expectations I set for myself.
"My purpose in this blog is to become a teacher of the very principles that I myself need to learn and internalize. In order to write about the tips and tricks of fatherhood, I need to live them."
This was certainly true. The blog helped me feel more accountable to myself to be a better dad. Sometimes it felt hypocritical to write about being a good dad when I feel like I fall short so often. I used this space to be proactive about finding ways to have more positive interactions with my kids and to be the teacher and anchor they need.
I found it funny that I was right on about who my audience would be:
"My audience is myself and the imaginary reader who I will pretend is just like me and loves learning about the things I write."
The reader who was just like me, ended up being none other than my twin brother. Turns out we have very similar ways of thinking and parenting. I am very grateful for his support and encouragement. Thanks Jonathan.
One thing that didn't happen:
"I would love to see this blog become a forum for sharing what works and celebrating successes."
I realized this blog really was just for me. I initially posted on Facebook almost every week, but later stopped. Maybe it was just my perception, but I didn't get much feedback from the online community, and I felt like being accountable to myself was more productive than trying to write something others would think would be useful.
Though this blog, I sought a deeper conversion to Jesus Christ:
"I also want to be more passionate about the teachings of my Savior Jesus Christ. I feel the need to transform my book knowledge of the gospel into true conversion. I hope to discover and write about very practical and hands-on ways to live more fully as a disciple of Christ...Stay tuned for open and sincere exploration of gospel principles as I expose my struggles and how they can help a imperfect and sinful man develop God-like attributes."I felt truly blessed with experiences that helped me truly feel my reliance on the Lord. I will always remember 2016 as a year I came closer to God. Several posts - That Ye Be Not Tempted, Humility, Rely on the Lord - were all related and I wrote about my feelings and reliance on the Lord.
One of the most interesting parts of the development of this blog was the shift in the types of topics I blogged about. This is what I expected:
"Stay tuned for flowcharts, two-by-two quadrants, graphs and spreadsheets. Stay tuned for book reviews and research that I attempt to apply to the challenges I face every day as a parent of strong-willed children."
While I did start off with that data-focus, I shifted toward more of a heart focus as time went on. I found that a lot of the "head" posts or behavioral-science types posts (Temper Triangle, Teaching Flowchart, Bad Day, Good data) were insightful and helpful when I wrote them, but didn't really produce any lasting change in my parenting. I went through and categorized each post as ether "head" or "heart" and saw a clear trend over time:
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The trend toward more "heart" posts reminds me of the data analytics maturity model - using data to describe or even predict behavior is interesting, but data is most useful when it become prescriptive, when it actually leads to decision support and improve outcomes (or parenting as the case may be).
A lot of the "head" posts didn't quite make it to the prescriptive phase because the data was in my head. It needed to be in my heart to really make a difference. A little more analysis backs up this hunch with hard data:
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| Meh: Worked a couple times, but isn't something that has become a part of my dad identity Okay: Helped me for a while, was a step in the process, but isn't something I still do Decent: Still something I think about, still helps me out, but isn't something that comes naturally Great: Part of my identity as a parent; changed the way I parent for the better |
Again, a clear trend here. The "heart" posts have had a greater long-term effect than the "head" posts. Here's a link to the spreadsheet I used for my analysis. I also recorded key-takeaways from each post.
There were a couple of posts that nudged me in the "heart" direction. I wrote Have Fun at the end of May after visiting my brother, and that has really stuck with me. I had similar experiences Be Happy and The Happy Secret to Better Parenting. At the core of these posts is simply to enjoy the journey.
Back in July when we were visiting family in Alaska, I was chatting with my brother-in-law and he asked me, "How are you liking the dad thing?" I don't remember quite what I said, but I don't think I was very convincing. When I asked him the same question, he said, "I love it."
Yeah, that's right. Fatherhood is something to be loved. Although being a father to small children provides plenty of opportunities be upset/annoyed,(that won't go away), there are also a lot of opportunities to just have fun. I really feel like I've come to embrace the principle. I even made it part of my vision statement that I read almost every day.
I love being a dad. I love my wonderful wife Sadie who supports me, forgives me, and encourages me in this crazy journey of fatherhood. I love my three beautiful children and I'm grateful for each of them. I'm grateful for the Spirit of the Lord which has guided me in my experiences and helped me see the divinity within myself and each of my children. I am grateful for my perfect Father in Heaven, who sets the ultimate example in fatherhood.
