The Temper Triangle

I want to establish very early that I am a man of weaknesses. I want to be open about my shortcomings, for they are the very reason I started this blog. I've had many nights where I've felt emotionally exhausted and just simply didn't enjoy being a dad.
Becoming a writer and analyst of parenthood is helping me be a better parent. I have already seen a difference. Sadie and I both feel this blog was inspiration and an answer to prayers. I thank the Lord for his wisdom and guidance.

The stresses of parenthood have unburied the temper that I thought I had conquered. Being a parent has a way of exposing and magnifying weaknesses. A couple of months ago, I analyzed my own behavior on the nights where I acted in a way beneath the holy calling of fatherhood.
I learned about the Fraud Triangle in school, the Fire Triangle in boy scouts, so I decided to use a triangle to analyze my own temper.

These are the parts, in the sequence they usually occur:

1. Time pressure. There something else I need/want to be doing, or I'm beginning to feel frustrated with how long things are taking.
2. Sense of loss of control. I feel powerless and trapped. I don't see any options that are favorable. I only see a lose-lose option between reinforcing negative behavior and engaging in an endless/futile loop of reasoning.
3. Diminished sense of worth. Though not at the front of my consciousness, I feel the conflict is tied to my sense of value as a parent. Somehow her tantrum and my inability to control the situation reflects negatively on my sense of self-worth. From a very young age, I remember that what made me the most mad was feeling like my personal abilities were in question.

If my subconscious reaches step three, my own mind/self-control is compromised. My ability to behave how I want is impaired and my own "lizard brain" takes over. My default coping mechanism is some kind of outburst - yelling or hitting something.
Once I have vented my frustration, my logical brain comes back online.
I need to recognize these steps as they’re happening.

• First, be in the moment. Yes there are other things I want to do, but they can wait. The faster I forget about them, the easier time I’ll have dealing with the present.
• Second, come up with a neutral option. Identify a choice beyond the lose-lose to step away from the emotion. This can be something simple like, "Arilyn, let’s talk in the hallway."
• Third, remember this is a natural part of parenthood and that I cannot control my children’s actions. Her tantrum is not my weakness.

Simply identifying my own patterns of behavior has helped me see the warning signs and take appropriate action when needed. When I feel myself starting to get worked up, I can almost always tie it back to one part of the triangle, address it, and recover.

How has personal behavior analysis helped you? I'd be interested to hear about any pressure triangles anyone else has identified, and if we share anything in common.