Conference note-taking strategies

With General Conference right around the corner, I thought I'd quickly share some note-taking strategies. My experience with General Conference is a bit different now that I have small kids. They're not old enough to be engaged in watching, but we try to help them learn by having them listen for certain words or playing a matching game with the faces of the church leaders.
I still try to take notes for myself, but gone are the days when I can just focus for a whole talk and transcribe all the thoughts and impressions I have. I have found that using note cards is perfect for writing down quick thoughts in between listening, talking/playing with the kids, or (I have to admit) dozing off.

Here are some ideas I've tried in the past:

• Organize notes by role/stewardship. I write down a different stewardship on each note card. These include such as father, husband, self, neighbor/friend, home teacher (I write out the names of each person I home teach), and scoutmaster (my current calling). As I listen to conference I shuffle the cards around and write down impressions.
• Organize notes by question. Write down a different question on each one, and as I listen to conference, jot down answers that come.
• Try a more visual approach to note taking. Pick your favorite graphic organizer and try to connect ideas as the talk progresses. I've found it helps me see new ideas and themes that I otherwise wouldn't have picked up on.

The last couple conferences, I've really liked the stewardship approach. It's simple and leads to very actionable next steps. The visual approach I've only tried for a few talks, but I'm going to give it another go this weekend.

Any other conference strategies out there? I'm always interested to hear how other people experience conference, and how they get the most out of it.

The Temper Triangle

I want to establish very early that I am a man of weaknesses. I want to be open about my shortcomings, for they are the very reason I started this blog. I've had many nights where I've felt emotionally exhausted and just simply didn't enjoy being a dad.
Becoming a writer and analyst of parenthood is helping me be a better parent. I have already seen a difference. Sadie and I both feel this blog was inspiration and an answer to prayers. I thank the Lord for his wisdom and guidance.

The stresses of parenthood have unburied the temper that I thought I had conquered. Being a parent has a way of exposing and magnifying weaknesses. A couple of months ago, I analyzed my own behavior on the nights where I acted in a way beneath the holy calling of fatherhood.
I learned about the Fraud Triangle in school, the Fire Triangle in boy scouts, so I decided to use a triangle to analyze my own temper.

These are the parts, in the sequence they usually occur:

1. Time pressure. There something else I need/want to be doing, or I'm beginning to feel frustrated with how long things are taking.
2. Sense of loss of control. I feel powerless and trapped. I don't see any options that are favorable. I only see a lose-lose option between reinforcing negative behavior and engaging in an endless/futile loop of reasoning.
3. Diminished sense of worth. Though not at the front of my consciousness, I feel the conflict is tied to my sense of value as a parent. Somehow her tantrum and my inability to control the situation reflects negatively on my sense of self-worth. From a very young age, I remember that what made me the most mad was feeling like my personal abilities were in question.

If my subconscious reaches step three, my own mind/self-control is compromised. My ability to behave how I want is impaired and my own "lizard brain" takes over. My default coping mechanism is some kind of outburst - yelling or hitting something.
Once I have vented my frustration, my logical brain comes back online.
I need to recognize these steps as they’re happening.

• First, be in the moment. Yes there are other things I want to do, but they can wait. The faster I forget about them, the easier time I’ll have dealing with the present.
• Second, come up with a neutral option. Identify a choice beyond the lose-lose to step away from the emotion. This can be something simple like, "Arilyn, let’s talk in the hallway."
• Third, remember this is a natural part of parenthood and that I cannot control my children’s actions. Her tantrum is not my weakness.

Simply identifying my own patterns of behavior has helped me see the warning signs and take appropriate action when needed. When I feel myself starting to get worked up, I can almost always tie it back to one part of the triangle, address it, and recover.

How has personal behavior analysis helped you? I'd be interested to hear about any pressure triangles anyone else has identified, and if we share anything in common.

What's in it for you?

The original idea I had for my first blog post was a flowchart for parenting, but I'm still in the validation phase for that one :). I want to post content after I have tried it out and tweaked it, so these first few posts will draw on principles I've already tested.

Like I mentioned in my last post, I enjoy learning about decision making and influence. It's so interesting to me that many of the books/trainings talk about the same ideas but with different names. The different angles each one takes help me think about the concepts in new ways and reinforces the core principle.

One such training I did at work a couple years ago was called Yescalate. The basic idea centered around getting others to say "yes" through honest and ethical influence. A week after the training,  I applied the concepts in a meeting where I was telling a group of stakeholders that I would be reducing the scope and extending the timeline of my development project. It worked! The meeting was very positive and everyone was supportive.

The basic technique follows three steps:

• Alpha - Frame your proposal relative to the other person's reference point. People need to know "What's in it for me?"
• Delta - Show the change. What will be different for the other person as a result of your proposal?
• Video - Present the change vividly, so that others can feel and/or experience the difference.

If it works at work, it might work at home, right? I've tried applying these steps when encouraging Arilyn and now Micah to make decisions. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. It's just one more tool for the toolbelt.

Well early, early this morning Arilyn got up to got potty, but then decided she didn't want to go back to bed. I was exhausted, and tried just telling her to go back to bed because I was tired. I told her I was going back to bed, but I felt the beginnings of a tantrum coming on. Uh oh, gotta try something else. 

"What's in it for her?" I thought. I explained why our bodies need sleep, and that she would be happier tomorrow, and I would be happier tomorrow if we could all get some sleep. I told her again I was going back to bed. She protested again, but this time just asked me to hold her hand and take her back to bed instead of the straight refusal from before.

Phew! Dodged that one. I got lucky this time and it worked. She was successfully back in bed and asleep within minutes. I on the other hand wasn't as fortunate. I spent the next hour trying to stop thinking about this blog post, and scribbling notes. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Does anyone have other ideas for helping kids know what's in it for them? Stories or successes for turning around a situation once you helped them see your idea was really in their best interest?

p.s. If you're interested, I put my notes from the Yescalate training here.

A Data-driven Dad

I first found my passion for data shortly after I returned to BYU after my mission. I created what I considered to be a pretty awesome spreadsheet to help automate and streamline some processes for the company I worked for. I got giddy just thinking about my spreadsheet and ways to make it do more things and solve more problems.
In all my jobs since then, my passion for analysis and development has continued to grow (wouldn't ya know it, my current job title is "Analyst and Developer"). I love thinking about ways to improve processes and display data in a meaningful way that makes it easy for people to do the right thing and make the right decision.
I also enjoy reading business-y books that explain human behavior, leadership, self-improvement, influence, and decision making. I counted up the other day, and I've read more than a dozen of these books over the years. Applying principles from these books has influenced my own professional development for the better.
Well, now I need my professional skills at home. I want to bring my passion for data to my mission for being a great dad. I want to take the principles I've learned in my readings and apply them my development as a husband and father.
I also want to be more passionate about the teachings of my Savior Jesus Christ. I feel the need to transform my book knowledge of the gospel into true conversion. I hope to discover and write about very practical and hands-on ways to live more fully as a disciple of Christ.
There are many nights when the struggles of parenthood leave me exhausted and I question my own abilities and goals. I feel like I've run out of answers, tried "everything" and don't see any "results." My purpose in this blog is to become a teacher of the very principles that I myself need to learn and internalize. In order to write about the tips and tricks of fatherhood, I need to live them.
My audience is myself and the imaginary reader who I will pretend is just like me and loves learning about the things I write. My anonymous reader will hold me accountable, and help me keep my goal to write at least once each week for the rest of this year. I also hope that there are other real dads out there who are also analytical, and who may draw some benefit from these thoughts. I would love to see this blog become a forum for sharing what works and celebrating successes.
While visualizations and algorithms alone won't make a man a better dad, I hope they can be one more tool in the toolbelt. Stay tuned for flowcharts, two-by-two quadrants, graphs and spreadsheets. Stay tuned for book reviews and research that I attempt to apply to the challenges I face every day as a parent of strong-willed children. Stay tuned for open and sincere exploration of gospel principles as I expose my struggles and how they can help a imperfect and sinful man develop God-like attributes.
I am passionate about using data to create solutions. I am the son of a perfect Father who has blessed me with these talents to build up His kingdom within my home. I am a father to three beautiful children who each in turn have unique gifts. I am a husband to an angel who is my inspiration to be a better man.
I am a data-driven dad.