What's in it for you?

The original idea I had for my first blog post was a flowchart for parenting, but I'm still in the validation phase for that one :). I want to post content after I have tried it out and tweaked it, so these first few posts will draw on principles I've already tested.

Like I mentioned in my last post, I enjoy learning about decision making and influence. It's so interesting to me that many of the books/trainings talk about the same ideas but with different names. The different angles each one takes help me think about the concepts in new ways and reinforces the core principle.

One such training I did at work a couple years ago was called Yescalate. The basic idea centered around getting others to say "yes" through honest and ethical influence. A week after the training,  I applied the concepts in a meeting where I was telling a group of stakeholders that I would be reducing the scope and extending the timeline of my development project. It worked! The meeting was very positive and everyone was supportive.

The basic technique follows three steps:

• Alpha - Frame your proposal relative to the other person's reference point. People need to know "What's in it for me?"
• Delta - Show the change. What will be different for the other person as a result of your proposal?
• Video - Present the change vividly, so that others can feel and/or experience the difference.

If it works at work, it might work at home, right? I've tried applying these steps when encouraging Arilyn and now Micah to make decisions. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. It's just one more tool for the toolbelt.

Well early, early this morning Arilyn got up to got potty, but then decided she didn't want to go back to bed. I was exhausted, and tried just telling her to go back to bed because I was tired. I told her I was going back to bed, but I felt the beginnings of a tantrum coming on. Uh oh, gotta try something else. 

"What's in it for her?" I thought. I explained why our bodies need sleep, and that she would be happier tomorrow, and I would be happier tomorrow if we could all get some sleep. I told her again I was going back to bed. She protested again, but this time just asked me to hold her hand and take her back to bed instead of the straight refusal from before.

Phew! Dodged that one. I got lucky this time and it worked. She was successfully back in bed and asleep within minutes. I on the other hand wasn't as fortunate. I spent the next hour trying to stop thinking about this blog post, and scribbling notes. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Does anyone have other ideas for helping kids know what's in it for them? Stories or successes for turning around a situation once you helped them see your idea was really in their best interest?

p.s. If you're interested, I put my notes from the Yescalate training here.