Teaching as the goal

(Another guest post from Jonathan. Thanks!)

James posted about a month or two ago day about happiness as a determinant of success, rather than the other way around. I had some thoughts on a similar concept, but framed in a different way. Overall, it really comes down to defining “success” so that it is not dependent on the behavior of the kids, which is something that I can’t control (but that doesn’t keep me from trying to control them some days…)

Melissa and I talked not long ago about what we are really trying to do as we interact with the kids. Short-term, it seems like getting them to obey and follow rules is success, so “winning” seems like the goal. However, we came to the conclusion that what we really want is to teach them that obedience is an eternal principle. We want to help them make choices that will ultimately empower them live the gospel and become healthy, productive citizens.

Teaching can be done in a variety of ways, but one of the most powerful tools is example. When I get impatient and upset, and try to authoritatively enforce rules, what am I really teaching by my example? I’ve been trying to just walk away from a situation when I feel it escalating to the point where I won’t be able to teach the way I want to. After all, “if ye receive not the spirit, ye shall not teach” (D&C 42:14).

Having teaching be my goal has helped me cope with stressful situations. I can feel ok about walking away and “resetting” rather than feeling like I have to “win.” It also helps me keep in mind that at the end of the day, what I really want to do is help my kids and do what is best for them in the long term.