Getting on the same Sheet1

I've been in Alaska on vacation this week, and time has just disappeared! Maybe it has something to do with the long daylight hours, or the non-stop scenery and wildlife, but either way I didn't put together a post. I figured this would happen, so I asked Jonathan to put together a post for me. Here it is:

Hello everyone! James asked me to do a guest post this week. I’m guessing it is because he’s in Alaska… I’m new to the blog writing world, so here goes my first try!

I assume most of the blog’s readers know me, but just in case, I’ll introduce myself. My name is Jonathan and I am James’ twin brother. I have a three-year old daughter, Cambria, and an almost two-year old, Corbin. I’m regular reader of Data Dad.

Today, I’d like to share a little tool that Melissa and I used that has helped us be a little more consistent in handling misbehavior. Since it involves Excel, it felt appropriate to share on DataData J.

At the end of the day, we reviewed the misbehavior (column A). We then decided on the rule and consequence. We also tried to identify if the misbehavior could be attributed to a need for power or control, in order to help us try to prevent it in the first place.  After about a week, we were able to identify some common themes that we could focus on.

This helped us not reinvent the wheel for every misbehavior. It also really helped to make the decision at a time when we could talk calmly and logically about what we wanted to do, instead of try to make the decision when I am beginning to be worn down. We’re also better able to talk to Cambria about the situation at a neutral time so that there can be a little more teaching involved when she is more ready to learn.

It also helped me be consistent, so that how I carry out consequences isn’t a function of my emotional state, but a response to Cambria’s behavior. I often struggle with how and when to address the misbehavior; knowing how I am going to respond ahead of time helps me stay calm when things get stressful. In theory, carrying out the consequence the first time will reduce “negotiating” and help teach Cambria where the limits are. Having the spreadsheet has also helped Melissa and I be more consistent between us, so that we don’t send mixed signals.

The spreadsheet doesn’t solve or address everything, but it has been helpful for us to be more consistent and to identify some root causes of some misbehavior. 

Examples:

Misbehavior: Tantrum when Corbin pushed the elevator button

Rule: Corbin pushes the outside button, Cambria pushes the inside button

Consequence: If Cambria pushes the outside button, she doesn't get to push the inside one

Misbehavior: Playing, stalling during bedtime

Rule: No playing until ready for bed and we still have time

Consequence: Toys are taken away if played with during the bedtime routine

Attention or power? We feel it comes from a need for control and power. 

Way to give it in a positive way?Cambria gets to choose the order of the bedtime routine, chooses if she wants help with her pajamas, etc.