Galileo said, "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." I try to incorporate this principle in my life, especially when it comes to parenting. Our vacation to Alaska was no exception (see Sadie's blog for a recap of the fun!), and Sadie and I talked a lot about what we could learn from Eric and Angie. They are far from ignorant, so we had a lot to talk about.
Among other things, Sadie and I talked about trust. How can we create an environment where our children feel trusted and empowered? We want to help them develop confidence, yet they still need so much help from us.
One crazy example we observed is our little nephew Paxson (4 years old) who was literally riding circles around me on his dirt bike and doing jumps. Wow, a four-year-old on a dirt bike; who woulda thought? Eric starts them early (age three), and teaches them the basics and sets clear guidelines.
This reminds me of a concept called Smart Trust in the book The Speed of Trust, by Stephen M.R. Covey (son of the famous Stephen Covey). Covey uses a 2x2 matrix to explain four quadrants of trust, with Propensity to Trust on one axis and Analysis on the other. The quadrants are Gullibility, Judgment, Indecision, and Suspicion. Judgment is the ideal quadrant, with high propensity to trust and high analysis. Covey states that the number one responsibility of all leaders (and I might add parents) is to inspire trust.
So how do we extend smart trust to our four-year-old? Well, we didn't go out and buy a dirt bike (not yet at least :)), so we started with something a little closer to home: bedtime. We (it was Sadie's idea) put together a bedtime basket for Arilyn, and put everything in it that she needs (toothbrush, head band, and every other thing she's ever used to delay bedtime). We told her she could do her bedtime basket anytime she wanted, and the earlier she did it, the more quiet time she gets. Well, so far it has worked really well. She loves it. Tonight she rushed to do her bedtime basket as soon as dinner was over. Who knows how long this will keep up? We can at least celebrate for this week.
FYI, dirtbikes before bedtime will delay the sleeping...a lot!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you frame this. Melissa and I have talked a lot about ways to give "positive power" to Cambria, which seems like a similar but not quite the same idea. We have found that if she has her "power bucket" filled and has some sense of control over at least a few things in her universe, she is more likely to respond well. Hasn't worked perfectly, but it has helped.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I like your quote. A similar one I really like is “In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks for the reply and sharing your thoughts!
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