Preside

I wasn't quite sure what to blog about, so I did a quick search on lds.org for fatherhood. I came across this 2004 talk by Elder Perry.

Elder Perry started by discussing examples of righteous fathers in the scriptures, quoted from the Family Proclamation, and then outlined responsibilities of fathers.

I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I hear the role of the father is to preside. I'll sometimes have a hard time reconciling quotes like this:

"There is no higher authority in matters relating to the family organization, and especially when that organization is presided over by one holding the higher priesthood, than that of the father"

with quotes like this:

"In this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are coequals."

How can we say husband and wife are equal when it is the husband who is the "highest authority?" This kind of quote almost makes it sound like the man is the boss. I have been conditioned to think that "preside" means "better" when really that is not what these quotes are saying.

It helps me to think of the difference between "lead" and "manage." To oversimplify, a leader sets the vision and the manager executes it. Management is only one skill that is needed on the team to complete a project. I could be the best software engineer, but not be a good leader; likewise, I could be a great technical project manager, but not be a great programmer. The engineer and the manager are fulfilling different essential roles, and neither is more important than the other. Both are following the vision for the company set by executive leadership.

I see the Lord as the leader of the home, and husband and wife as the team that is executing His vision. The Lord has asked the husband to take on the role of presiding, providing, and protecting. These responsibilities do not carry greater status or importance than that of the nurturer. They share and support the vision of building the kingdom within the walls of their home.

One last quote of the talk I mentioned at the beginning:

"Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home. It is not a matter of whether you are most worthy or best qualified, but it is a matter of [divine] appointment."

I certainly don't feel the most worthy or best qualified, but I do know that the Lord has called me as a father in Zion. I am humbled by this calling, and I know He will sustain me as I look to him.