The Director

I'm in a neuroscience/psychology phase with my audio books right now. I've mentioned Thinking, Fast and Slow and The Power of Habit, and now I'm halfway through Your Brain at Work. I find these kinds of books fascinating - how they summarize vast amounts of research to explain everyday thinking and decision making by detailing what's going on inside your brain. I especially enjoy seeing how a principle I've learned about in another way, or just life experience, can be explained from a whole new angle, using different vocabulary.

Your Brain at Work uses a theater metaphor to explain various concepts about the brain. The stage illustrates your consciousness, actors are thoughts/tasks, audience members may be memories or subconscious thoughts, etc. This metaphor is used along side explanations of the prefrontal cortex, limbic system, basal ganglia, amygdala, etc. to help explain your brain so that you can focus better and be more productive at work.

One of the key concepts of the book is learning how to empower the director. Being aware of who is on the stage -- also called meta-cognition or meta-awareness -- gives you a greater ability to direct the actors on the stage. You can strengthen the director by practicing thinking about your thinking; observe your own behavior and thoughts as if you are someone else.

Although many of my takeaways from my reading are not new concepts, it is really interesting to learn why these ideas work at a neuroscience level. Understanding the roles of dopamine (chemical that triggers feelings of reward and happiness) and norepinephrine (aka adrenaline, aka fight/flight response that triggers fear, stress, alertness, etc.) and how they affect the performance of your prefrontal cortext (the thinking part of your brain) and the limbic system (emotion/reactive part of your brain) really helps me experience experiences differently. The book uses the phrase "activate your director" to think about what is going on in your brain and to be more deliberate about regulating it.

Okay, now that I've geeked out for a bit, how does this apply to being a dad? I'll try to adapt some of the strategies from Act II (Stay Cool Under Pressure) in the context of parenting young children.

• Label my emotional state
• Recognizing my own emotions and giving a them a name is better than trying to suppress them. A quick word or metaphor helps triggers my prefrontal cortext, rather than letting the narrative of the emotion run wild in the limbic system.
• Example: I tell Micah I need to change his diaper so we can go get in the car, but he's busy being a two-year old. I'm feeling time pressure to leave and powerless to control Micah's behavior and the only option that comes to my head is to grab him and pin him down (not a good approach). Simply telling myself, "I'm feeling pressure and powerlessness" reduces arousal in my limbic system and allows me to think more rationally about the situation.
• Reappraise my perception of choice
• Lack of control can be perceived as a threat by the brain and can limit your ability to think rationally. When I start to feel my choices are limited, I need to recognize it is happening and reappraise the situation to alter my perception of choice. I can do this by re-framing my perspective, normalizing (accepting my emotions are normal), or reordering (identify the main value that is driving the feeling of powerlessness and think of something else that is more important).
• Example: Arilyn is very tired/hungry at dinner time and happens to have no clothes on. She's upset because we're asking her to go get dressed, but demands we put clothes on for her. I want her to know that getting dressed is her responsibility.
• Re-framing - Instead of feeling like my kids never listen to me, I can reinterpret the situation as a teaching opportunity. Instead of feeling like I have no control over Arilyn's behavior, I see the choice I have to be a teacher. My perception of choice reduces activity in the limbic system and gives my prefrontal cortex space to be the parent I want to be.
• Normalizing - I recognize I'm getting frustrated because I can't control Arilyn's behavior. By acknowledging this is a very common feeling for a parent of a four-year old, I reduce the level of uncertainty my brain is feeling (e.g. not knowing why things are happening the way they are) and am better able to regulate my emotions.
• Reordering - At the moment, I may be thinking that the most important thing is that Arilyn be obedient and learn how to take care of herself. My sense of control is jeopardized because my "values" aren't being taken care of. The "director" steps in and identifies that helping Arilyn feel understood is more important than teaching her to put her own clothes on.
• It's important to remember that the perception of choice is also important in understanding my children's reaction to a situation.
• Managing expectations
• My expectations produce activity in my brain (think placebo effect) and alter the way I experience a situation. Unmet expectations can produce a threat response in the brain.
• Example: Suppose Tanner wakes up crying in the middle of the night or seems to be yelling for no apparent reason at any other point during the day. If I'm expecting a full night's rest or a baby that can effectively communicate, I end up a little frustrated. To make it a more positive experience, I need to reset expectations and understand this is to be expected of a 15-month old. Thinking about my expectations and resetting them is a constant need in parenting.

So how have I been doing at "activating the director?" Well, it's a lot to think about, especially when I'm in the moment. Sometimes it actually seems to be detrimental because I'm trying to figure out how to regulate my natural dopamine levels or activate my prefrontal cortext, which then becomes one more challenge to deal with. I have found that saying a little prayer -- which is a form of meta-cognition -- seems to be more effective.

With all the books I've read, I've found that almost every principle of the gospel can be explained by a term in neuroscience, behavioral science, psychology, sociology, etc. Faith, scripture study, prayer, the natural man, repentance, baptism, belief in an afterlife, concept of laying your burdens at the feet of a Savior; so many of these principles could be explained in technical terms and backed up by a study of some kind.

True principles are found in many different disciplines even if they come with different names. I enjoy learning about these principles from different angles and it helps me understand them better. The restored Gospel of Jesus Christ is the deluxe boxed set of truth and while it does contain a lot of exclusive content, that doesn’t mean truth cannot be found in other places.

Just because we can use science to explain some of the principles that govern how God works, doesn't mean that God isn't working.

Belief doesn't just happen; it is a conscious choice. I could just as easily chose not to believe, to think I'm just another mammal that exists on the planet for a short period of time. I've talked with many people who use science to disprove or explain away God. This is the point I choose to believe. I choose to know I am a son of a loving Father in Heaven and that I am saved by the grace of his Son, Jesus Christ. He is my director.