Framing

This idea has been on my mind for awhile, and it really helps me when parenting, especially when dealing with tantrums, etc. For me the basic concept is this:

Can I change my frame of reference to understand this behavior differently?

I did an internship at VitalSmarts, and their material on Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations has a similar concept called "Master My Stories." Basically it's this: What's the explanation I'm giving myself to explain this behavior? Is there another way to explain why a decent would person be acting this way?

I sincerely believe my kids want to be good. Sometimes I forget this, but I really do believe it. One night a while back after feeling exhausted from a night with a strong-willed child, I came across this article, which explained that parents can "see strong-willed kids as people of integrity." Huh. Yeah, that's right. My kid is still learning, and with her limited knowledge believes she is doing what is most appropriate given the circumstances. Rather than forcing her to "obey" I need to teach her what is right, and why it is right, so that she can make the decision she wants to make (which is to do the right thing).

On a similar note, I want to see aspects of Arilyn's personality as strengths. For example, when she gets her mind on something, she doesn't let it go. This often leads to pretty intense, prolonged tantrums when she is denied the thing she really wants. How can I re-frame this in a positive way? I like to think she'll be someone great and channel her passion into something productive. All the greats are a little crazy and a little intense sometimes, right?
Sure, every parent thinks their kid is going to be the president of the United States some day, but why not? Shouldn't every child believe she/he is destined for greatness?

I'm about the exceed my target length for a blog, but I'm going to go off on a related tangent. I think the well-known Ether 12:27 teaches us about re-framing, that our weaknesses may actually just be strengths in disguise. Our weaknesses becoming strong doesn't always mean we gain a new ability per se, but that our existing talent can be applied more constructively. Let's go back to passion or intensity. There are many positive and negative words you can use to describe someone who is passionate. It can be a strength or a weakness depending on how it is applied and channeled. When we come to the Lord with our weaknesses, He will help us see ourselves as we really are, that our tendencies and dispositions are divine gifts from a supreme creator, and that when we focus our eyes on his glory, we can do all things in the strength of the Lord.